A short glimmer of sweetness to come

“When I imagine that I want to learn to love God–and to love my husband and others whom God has given me to love–let me test the desire of my willingness to accept trial and grief. If I can welcome them–Yes, Lord!– and believe God’s purpose in them, I am learning the lesson of love. If I cannot, it is a fair indication that my desire to love is a delusion.” – Elisabeth Elliot

 

Last week I had the opportunity to watch a friend’s 19 month old little guy for the week while his parents vacationed to Cambodia for their Anniversary, and I was in heaven! Truly. I call my little friend “angel boy” because he was the sweetest blessing to get to watch and love on for the time his parents were away. He was so easy to love! Everything from his content and happy temperament to his sweet, kissable little  big cheekies was perfection. We went to the park, I read him stories, we played all sorts of games with his trucks and airplane, he didn’t even put up a fight when it was time to nap! Even my husband was smitten by the end of the week with this little “angel boy” that captivated our hearts for a short time. 

Normally, I am ready to give the child back to the parents after a night or two, but this time was different. The night before his parents were coming home, I had a to have a good cry. I don’t expect the children we have to be this easy to watch and play with, I know God likes to give me a good challenge, so I am expecting no sleep (angel boy slept 10 hours through the night and always took a good 2-3 hour nap during the day) strong willed little ones that wear me out. I told Alex I want a baby to keep, that I don’t have to give back. First, he told me not to tell the Mother that; she might think I’m a crazy baby lady- and I would be if it were legal! Then he wisely told me that its been a special blessing for us this week to be able to watch him, and I should be thankful for the time I did get with a baby in our house, even if for a short time. That maybe God was showing us a glimmer of the sweetness that is to come when he gives us our own baby Wales, and if not, I need to give thanks for the time we have been given to love on this sweet, angel of a little baby boy. 

Today marks day 34 of my cycle. My longest cycle yet. I took a pregnancy test for the first time (besides at the fertility clinic AFTER I had already started my period) in 7 months. I didn’t think it would be positive, but Alex thought it might be since I don’t have any indication of my period coming soon. Of course the tests were negative, and I feel like its coming, slowly and taking its sweet time. As soon as I start I go back to the Clinic to check and see if my ovaries are back to normal and start preparing my body for the transfer! I am excited, but not too terribly anxious, surprisingly. I am hoping not to drag this cycle out too much longer, but my body has been pretty unpredictable lately, so more waiting and I’m ok with whatever is best for my body, even if it means more waiting. I can’t stop smiling when I think about the potential lives we have waiting for us! I really love them already! All 20 of them! I am hoping to see my regular doctor this next visit in hopes that I can ask a few more questions. I know our babies were frozen on Day 3, I’m not sure the reasoning yet, but hopefully they will be able to thaw them and have them make it to Day 5s, but everything is so so unpredictable that it does no good to try and anticipate what the outcomes will be because its all in God’s hands and He has good plans for us no matter what day our baby embryos make it to! 

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7 thoughts on “A short glimmer of sweetness to come

  1. My periods got really wacky after doing treatments :/ I think me messing with nature hurt me :/ I’m still bummed about it because it has been two years since treatments and my body still hasn’t figured itself out :/ YIKERS!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

    • I thought of you because I know treatments were not kind to your body’s cycles. I rarely have a 30 day cycle, but I always average 30 days (from the last 6 or so years I’ve been keeping track) but my cycles have always been 28-33 days, no shorter or longer. When I had my surgery last year for my endometriosis, afterwards my cycles were 14 days for a few months, then after this last ivf my cycle was 26 days and the one before it my cycle was something like 17 days. So I just know my body doesn’t like being messed with whether it’s hormones or just trauma from surgery my body always knows… But I really have no room to complain or be anxious, because I know others have it much, much harder. Love you butternut!

      • hehe!! You made me giggle again with the butternut. hehe!! Yes i averaged around 34 and now I go anywhere from 44 to 59 and no ovulation. GRR!

  2. AF never shows up on time when you want her to – it’s SO frustrating. This will be your cycle – I believe it, because this month is my birthday and only good things can happen in April 🙂 I’m so excited for you!

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