When I think back to myself as a little girl- I wanted to be Maria from “The Sound of Music.” To me, she embodied the ideal woman my little feminine heart envisioned for myself- 7 children, a handsome military husband, music and laughter throughout the halls of a palace given up because of strength of character, love of country and morals that could not co-exist with the evils of the Nazis and, last, but absolutely not least, she wore a long, cathedral length wedding veil at her wedding (I swear as a little girl my heart skipped a beat thinking about that wedding veil) If you haven’t seen the movie, (the version with Julie Andrews) it is perfection.
Oh How our ideals change as we grow older! As much as I resist and find it increasingly difficult to become “Maria.” Life can be so un-Rogers and Hammerstein. We don’t break into song (most of the time) and we find out that the real Maria that the movie was based off is nothing like the compassionate Maria portrayed in the movie. We have to face real, adult struggles and confront the fact that our life isn’t going to be like a fictional musical.
Originally, I was going to go in another direction with this post, because I do realize that for so, so many, there is no thoughts of long wedding veils, children are forced into adulthood all too soon for a variety of reasons (all tragic) and my heart hurts for these children, but I am going to be idealistic, if only a little. We may not be able to have the life we dreamed of (what little girl grows up expecting to be infertile?!) but despite our heartaches and disappointments that life is not fair (because it isn’t) don’t we still uphold and revere our girlhood’s aspirations? Yes, they change and evolve past ribbons and lace (or mud and bugs for some!) but I think deep down, we all have a little mini-me pushing and prodding us on towards our aspirations if life hasn’t been too cruel to drown her out completely with the tragedies and heartache the real world brings.
Sometimes I allow myself to wonder if Adult Amy was allowed to meet Little Amy, would she approve? No, I don’t have 7 kids(yet!), but I do frequently break out into song. Yes, I married an amazing military man, but we don’t live in a palace. And I even wore a long veil on my wedding day! But I think my little self would be more proud of the fact that I care, and am sensitive to others pain, that I’ve grown into someone who has seen, albeit a small, part of the world and the cruelness it brings, but has chosen to fight against it with hope and prayer and most of all faith in Jesus that lights a spark in me to do and be more than I wanted as a little girl. I just hope, that 26 years from now, I can look back at my 26 year old self and have grown into someone even better, and stronger and more caring and kind. Yes, yes, that will be the day!