“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always HOPES, always PERSEVERES. Love never fails” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Since Valentines Day is quickly approaching, I wanted to visit one of my favorite verses of all time. It’s one of the most quoted verses in the Bible, and is read at just about every wedding. Even with its popularity, this verse never gets old to me. I’m a romantic, I love love and I don’t think there is a better description of what true love really is than in these few verses.
Valentines Day 2013 was one of my first entries in a little journal I keep for our future children. When I read this verse, I realized that my attitude and disposition during this time was not honoring or loving towards our future family, my husband or God. In fact, I could go through these qualities and can honestly say that my behavior was opposite. I was not patient month after month of negative pregnancy tests. I was easily angered when I found out someone else was pregnant before me, I didn’t always have complete trust in God, I didn’t protect my heart from feelings of jealousy, I lost hope, there were times I wanted to quit. By these attributes, I was not loving, and I was failing, something that is impossible for love. It doesn’t say love sometimes trusts, sometimes hopes, sometimes perseveres, it says ALWAYS. I think this is only possible with the help of Christ, I know, because I’ve tried and failed.
Love is a daily battle of the heart and mind for me to trust, hope and persevere. I desperately desire to love all the time time, even when the pregnancy test shows negative, or the doctor visit didn’t go as planned because if I’m not able to love now, when I’m fighting for a family, what makes me think I will behave differently when my heart is granted its desire? Right now, I consider myself “in training” for when we are finally given a family, and its important for me to train well so I can truly say, with heartfelt conviction to our children, “I loved you before I even knew you.”
IVF Update! My last appointment was a couple days ago! I was taken to see a new doctor since my regular ER was out for the day. He was very nice and seemed a little more thorough when doing the ultrasound. I am so happy to say that I have 4-5 good looking follicles on each ovary (the EXACT number we were hoping for!!) I know it doesn’t sound like much compared to others, but I am just over the moon that I’m not growing 30 like last time. The Doctor asked about our previous attempt and said that there is no indication that I will have empty follicles this time around, in his broken English he explained that everything looks very, very good. I’m just hoping and praying that all goes well (aren’t we all?!). It looks like retrieval will be either Saturday or Monday, depending on how my next scan goes tomorrow. Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers! I hope everyone has a sweet Valentines Day with those you love!