I am realizing more and more as I reflect, there aren’t many things in my life that have been difficult that I have persevered through unless I’ve been forced to. If something wasn’t easy for me instead of applying myself, I settle for mediocrity in many ways . I have always regretted not playing an instrument, or being good at a sport because I just didn’t want to take the time to practice. If things don’t come easily to me, I don’t work very hard at excelling at them. It really does go against my nature to persevere through pain, I like my comfort and I don’t like to do hard things.(I’m cringing at myself for admitting this!) I’ve always admired people that have the tenacity and drive to accomplish goals they set for themselves because I do not posses those traits. Push has come to shove now and I won’t back down when it comes to pursuing a family and fighting infertility along with feelings of inadequacy that creep in sometimes when I compare myself to others that have families so effortlessly. Infertility is hard and painful, but I’m choosing to persevere and become a better person in spite of (or because of) it. It’s time for me to not settle for mediocrity in this area.
I think fighting can mean active waiting just as much as means pursuing treatments, but What fighting means for me right now is more commitment to prayer for our future children (however they enter into our family), more time in the word (and less on social media) and another attempt at IVF and complete faith and trust in God’s timing and plan. I’m still very hopeful that this next time around will be different. Next month I will begin another round of IVF, only on a shorter protocol with different medication this time. God willing, we will have different results. This last month wasn’t our month or time. I’m praying that this next month will be the time God chooses to bless us with the gift of a child. If not, I won’t give up because I can be strong if God is with me.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”- Joshua 1:9