Moving Forward after Failure

I am realizing more and more as I reflect, there aren’t many things in my life that have been difficult that I have persevered through unless I’ve been forced to. If something wasn’t easy for me instead of applying myself, I settle for mediocrity in many ways . I have always regretted not playing an instrument, or being good at a sport because I just didn’t want to take the time to practice. If things don’t come easily to me, I don’t work very hard at excelling at them. It really does go against my nature to persevere through pain, I like my comfort and I don’t like to do hard things.(I’m cringing at myself for admitting this!) I’ve always admired people that have the tenacity and drive to accomplish goals they set for themselves because I do not posses those traits. Push has come to shove now and I won’t back down when it comes to pursuing a family and fighting infertility along with feelings of inadequacy that creep in sometimes when I compare myself to others that have families so effortlessly. Infertility is hard and painful, but I’m choosing to persevere and become a better person in spite of (or because of) it. It’s time for me to not settle for mediocrity in this area. 

I think fighting can mean active waiting just as much as means pursuing treatments, but What fighting means for me right now is more commitment to prayer for our future children (however they enter into our family), more time in the word (and less on social media) and another attempt at IVF and complete faith and trust in God’s timing and plan. I’m still very hopeful that this next time around will be different. Next month I will begin another round of IVF, only on a shorter protocol with different medication this time. God willing, we will have different results. This last month wasn’t our month or time. I’m praying that this next month will be the time God chooses to bless us with the gift of a child. If not, I won’t give up because I can be strong if God is with me.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”- Joshua 1:9

 

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10 thoughts on “Moving Forward after Failure

  1. Yes girl!! Waiting upon the Lord in the Bible is considered “active” waiting…it is worshiping, praising, seeking, and praying. Active waiting on God is all spiritual so you hit the nail on the head. I am praying this next cycle goes smoother for you! hugs!!!

    • After I reread what I wrote I didn’t think I did a very good job talking about actively waiting, but you are so right! Waiting, I’ve found, is where I have learned so much more than any other time! Its a gift that I don’t truly see and appreciate until the phase of waiting is over. Its also the hardest way to fight (in my opinion) and takes the most faith and courage! You are such a beautiful example of actively waiting to me! Have you ever read the poem “Wait” by Russell Kelfer? It has a profound effect on the way I viewed waiting, as well as the book “A Graceful Waiting” by Jan Frank. 🙂

  2. Keep fighting the good fight, friend! When I had my 4th miscarriage, God brought this verse to my mind (in regards to eating healthy for pregnancy) and I think it applies in your situation as well: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

    • Thank you for sharing that encouraging verse with me, Amber! I love that it states “at the proper time” because I think many times I know when the proper time would be, but it’s amazing to me that God know absolutely when the best time is! I just need to fight the good fight in the “in-between” times!

  3. I can relate. I often feel a little ‘wimpy’ when it comes to my ‘fight’…it takes so much tenacity and energy to fight this. But I truly believe God will give us strength to keep going. You are stronger than you think you are!!! And time will prove that. Hang in there. Love and hugs! xo

    • You are so right! Energy and tenacity are what I think God is trying to build in me, and most things in life that are truly worth having are the things we have to fight hardest for! Love and hugs to you too, Kate!

    • Absolutely! A Family is worth the fight no matter how uncomfortable! You are such a source of strength I really look up to Jessah! I am hoping it is your time so much also! Lots of Love to you!

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