Friday morning I woke up to a fresh blanket of snow! It was beautiful, cold and fresh, unfortunately, it made for icy roads so when I called a taxi to take me to the subway station, I was told to wait and wait and wait, the taxi never showing up. Thankfully Alex was able to be with me and we decided to go ahead and drive to Seoul for my appointment. It didn’t take nearly as long as we anticipated because the roads in Seoul were all clear!
When I arrived, I was given the usual pregnancy test then ushered in to a small back room for a shot in the rear. I was told it would be very painful. I waited and the nurse came in and left. I was waiting, waiting with my back turned and pants semi-down. Then I was told it was over. I never felt this “painful” shot that I was preparing for! It was done and over with in 2 seconds, and I couldn’t understand why they would say its painful when I didn’t even feel it. I was relieved, and was thinking to myself “wow, I must have a very high pain tolerance if I didn’t even feel this so called “very painful shot.” I then went into the doctors office and found out the shot was apparently pain medicine for the most painful part of all of IVF- the scraping of the cervix (out goes my high pain tolerance theory!) So that explained it. I had been preparing my self for a horrible shot, when the shot wasn’t even what was going to be painful! The nurse was very sweet and told me it would be quick, and thankfully it was over quickly. Next, we were given the gonal-f shots for 4 days to take home and administer along with the suprefact until our next appointment (Christmas Eve) and some anti-biotics for both Alex and I. So far,so good! The gonal-f shot is painless and the needle is even smaller than the suprefact! The doctor put me on the lowest dose of gonal-f, hoping to prevent OHSS, which I am so thankful for. Our goal is 5-10 eggs instead of the usual 20 or more.
I am still sort of in disbelief that in one week is our egg retrieval! It feels very unreal. I know that past 2 years have seemed to go so slow, filled with hope and disappointment and feeling that we’re not moving in any direction or any closer to growing our family, and now we’re in the midst of IVF and I feel like everything is moving very quickly, I’m not used to NOT waiting! I was reminded this week of a story about a ferry I read by Kari Patterson:
“We walked up to the upper-deck, which was all enclosed and resembled the DMV–people looking depressed, sitting around waiting. I sat down and opened my book and waited for the Ferry to move.
But we just sat there. And sat there. When will we take off from shore? I wondered. I could hear the motor whirring, but we never moved. I squinted my eyes to look out the window, but everything was pitch black. We just sat there, never moved.
Then, just when I thought I’d go crazy sitting there, not moving, a voice came over the intercom: “We have arrived at Whidbey Island. Please return to your cars and disembark.”
Huh? We were moving that whole time and I didn’t even know it? How could I not feel it?
Apparently, the Ferry is so big that you can’t even feel it move. Unless you can see out the window, it’s impossible to tell whether or not it’s moving. And since it was dark, I just couldn’t tell.
I thought we were just sitting still, but next thing I knew we were there.
It’s sounds cheesy, but isn’t that true with God too? Lately everywhere I turn I hear stories of how God does more than we can ever imagine, but it takes longer than we expect. So often we feel like nothing is happening. Years go by and we wait and pray and wonder where on earth God is. We pray and wait and look around and wonder, Why aren’t we moving??
But then, just when you least expect it, a voice alerts you:
All the time we thought we were standing still, God was really moving us right along, without us even knowing it. And if a Ferry is so big that we can’t feel the movement, imagine what it’s like to be traveling “on” God!
He’s so big we sometimes can’t even feel His movement until the whole journey is over.
For me, this just speaks encouragement. When we feel like nothing’s happening, keep trusting, praying, and relying on the God of the unseen.
It might be dark outside, but God is big, and He’s faithfully moving us along”
So while our journey is by no means over, I can feel we are moving, but also realize that when I felt we were simply waiting and praying, we were moving and growing. The days felt like no progress was made, but faith in God was strengthened, our relationship grew closer, I was forced to persevere, face fears. Things that you can’t accomplish in a day but can see over time. So thankful for God’s timing!