About the time I had a feeling it might not be as easy as I thought to get pregnant, I printed this verse out and wrote it on our white board in our office, and it was kept up for about 6 or so months. I lean on this verse in difficult times.
Over the weekend my husband and I were able to travel to the most romantic city in the US for our two year anniversary to Savannah, Georgia to stay at a bed and breakfast. I was bound and determined to have a wonderful time and not let thoughts that would lead me to a path of sadness consume my thoughts (i.e. the absence of children in our lives) I decided not to check my phone, because inevitably, there will be a new pregnancy announcement and I just didn’t want to have a reason for feeling sad. Circumstances arose where we found a wallet in the street and I opened facebook in hopes of finding the person whom the wallet belonged (we knew her name via drivers license) and of course, a new pregnancy was announced by one of our close friends. I admit, every time a friend announces their pregnancy, I literally feel a pain in my heart, especially when I am blind sided. Friends that claim to have a “5 year plan” before trying for children I feel (wrongly) safe around, thinking that it’s not just my husband and I that are childess in this season, but when they announce their pregnancy, it comes as a shock.
I am happy for them, deeply sad for us.
I know I am not alone in wanting children now and not being blessed with them during this time(and I am so thankful for encouraging blogs I have recently discovered!) but I can’t help but feel in the minority. I know Motherhood is special; I revere it, and I also know it is a club I so desperately want to become a member of, but feel left out of. I can’t truly feel the depths of love a mother has for her child. I can imagine and dream, but the truth is that I am missing that gift at this time.
No matter what feelings I have though, I believe God when he says he has “plans to prosper us and not harm us, to give us hope and a future” and I can rest in that truth.